speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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