almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize