Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
