we're chasing vodka with high fives
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
