omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
