she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
