I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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