I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
