i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
