i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
