Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
