the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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