She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
