I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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