how hairy? two words: wookie tits
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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