Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
