Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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