Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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