My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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