I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
