p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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