I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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