Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
