It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
