I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
