Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize