I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
