I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
