i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize