you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
