I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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