I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
