She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
