i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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