i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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