I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
