My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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