but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
