I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
