the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
