That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
