thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
