she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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