I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love having hate sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize