HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this boner is exhausting
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
