i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
