If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize