My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
