there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
