A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
