Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
