Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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