You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
