This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
