Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
