I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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