He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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