Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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