roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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