she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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