Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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