I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize