absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
