She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
