I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
