There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
