yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
