you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
