Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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