am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
