I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
