last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
