i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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