so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
