I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
