oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
