dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
