I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Randomize