You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
