capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
