it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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