He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You are a genius and a whore.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
