i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
