great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
