That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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