The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We are two peas in an std pod
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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