Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
