ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
