that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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