from now on my penis is your penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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