I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am available for nakedness
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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