and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
