I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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