I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
